Coney Dogs and Colonoscopias probably are related in some way

We went on an adventure! To Coney Island!
I had never been before, and I pretty much associated it with two things:
1. That scene in Uptown Girls, the horrible movie with Brittney Murphy and Dakota Fanning, where one of them goes and finds the other one (I’m sorry that’s so vague, but to my credit, I’ve [...]

Fashion show at lunch

Guess who sat in yellow chalk at lunch, waving off offers of pieces of paper to sit on?
That would be me.
And guess who is now sporting some stylish yellow smudges all over her ass?
Yes, that would also be me.
I think it’s a good look, really adding some pizzazz to my blah business casual outfit. Who [...]

The Birds, Take 2

You guys, it’s time that I told you something. Don’t judge me for this.
I have a fear of birds. Ornithophobia. I’m not going to lie, I just looked up the technical term one second ago. This fear is mainly of “street birds”: pigeons, seagulls, what have you. I think this fear is logical for anyone, [...]

The Holiday vs. The Awesomest Movie Ever

Here’s a conversation I had with my dad last night:
Me: How’re you doing? What’s up?
Dad: Oh, okay. Your sister and your step-mother are making fun of me.
Me: What about?
Dad: Have you ever seen that movie? The Romance?
Me: (thinking: The Romance? No wonder they’re making fun of you.) No, what’s it about?
Dad: Wait, wait. The Holiday. [...]

Cold day in July

Actually, a rainy day in July. I have never in my life experienced such a rainy summer.

Doesn’t that look appealing, with the grey sky and the caution tape stuck in the tree and the dark windows. It’s not even that cozy kind of rainy day anymore. It’s just… gross. At this point, I hardly even [...]

New Yorkers: nice or nicest?

Here’s what this summer has confirmed for me: that the “New Yorkers are cruel, callous, uncaring people” thing is a total myth.
This morning, for example, I got off the subway at 72nd, and this woman got off with her little kid in a stroller at the same time. And immediately, like 5 people offered to [...]

I used all my title ideas in the last paragraph (spoiler)

Here’s some search terms people have used to get here:
Kate Hudson,  Why AM I SO DEEP,  preslot
My favorite is “Why AM I SO DEEP.” I imagine some high school kid sitting at home in the summer with her friends, and getting picked on for being “deep” and then that kid going over to Google, and [...]

Way out there beyond this hick town, Barnaby

Today, I was a tourist.
I looked at a subway map in a public place. I had my picture taken on the subway. I spent time with a woman who insisted on calling the subway “the metro.”
Yes, I had out-of-town visitors. And I loved it. My neighbors from Winters are visiting family on Long Island/checking out [...]

10-year reunion

So over the weekend, my mom went to a wedding. I would have said whose wedding it was, but the convoluted relationships deserve sentences of their own: the man is the ex-boyfriend of the mother of my best friend from fifth grade. And the woman is the ex-girlfriend of a friend of my mom’s boyfriend. [...]

It’s like when I was in ‘Nam

What bothers me most about work is when I’m not able to do anything to help people. I don’t mean when I’m not allowed to help people because it’s not under my office’s authority–I mean when I could help, but my hands are tied.
[Sidenote: in high school, I had this horrible Spanish teacher who literally [...]